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Parenting Goals

11.02.09

Do you have some goals for you and your child? You probably have them in your head, but, have you ever taken the time to write them down?

Ask yourself what you want your child to learn and do when he is 18 years old. Do you want him living with you as an adult? Have you ever told him that it is your expectation that he move out when he is 18 (or be in college, or paying rent)?

Some of the goals I have for my child are as follows:

  • Love God
  • Love People
  • Manners
  • Take Care of Self
  • Take Care of Belongings
  • Academics
  • Handling Money
  • Good Self-Esteem
  • Survival Skills

Below is a re-print of an article from Love and Logic.

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“When is it OKAY to let Adult Children Live with You?”
From Love and Logic Newsletter of OCTOBER 28, 2009

Most of us can agree that far too many adult kids are allowed to develop Perpetual Peter Pan Syndrome by their parents. In plainer language, their parents allow them to live at home, never expecting them to grow up.

With this said, there are some circumstances under which it’s perfectly fine to help our kids by allowing them to live under our roofs for a limited amount of time.

Listed below are some questions designed to help parents decide whether to continue helping outÅ or to gently yet firmly ease them out of the nest. The more “yes” answers you provide, the more likely that it’s okay to help them out for a while.

Is my child working harder on his/her life than I am?

As soon as you start working harder than they do, you begin to steal their
maturity and self-respect.

Is my child respectful and appreciative?

I’m amazed at how many parents help adult children who treat them like garbage.

Is my child making real financial or sweat-related contributions to the home?

Adult children must do their fair share of chores AND pay rent in the form of cash payments or plenty of extra, meaningful chores.

Does my child understand that our house is not a low-rent motel?

Never help if your child thinks they can party, come and go at all hours of the night, or treat you like a maid.

In their book From Innocence to Entitlement, Jim Fay and Dawn Billings discuss how to recognize when your kids are developing a dangerous sense of entitlement, as well as what to do if they are. This book is a must-read for any parent who finds them self saying “No” to any of the questions listed
above.

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Thanks for reading! Please let me know if I can be of service to you!

Jaril Faith Gallup, LCSW

parenting resources

helpful websites

  • Love and Logic
    Bestselling author Jim Fay, founder of the "Love and Logic" process.
  • Focus on The Family
    Provides parenting advice and other family issues from a Christian perspective. Founded by Dr. James Dobson.
  • TroubledWith: Parenting Children
    Resources dealing with various common childhood issues and what a parent can do.