Help for the Bully


We’ve all heard of stories about bullying in the schools, and how the victim was helped somehow. But what about the bully? Did you know that most bullies were, at one time bullied by others?  They were the victim. But they chose to repeat the pattern of abuse that was done to him or her.

The person who acts aggressively towards others needs help. He or she may not understand how they are hurting others. Barbara Coloroso* once said, “Bullying is not about anger; it is about contempt. Kids who feel contempt for others have 3 characteristics that allow them to engage in bullying wihout feeling empathy or shame: (1) they have a strong sense of entitlement, (2) they are intolerant of others’ differences, and (3) they feel a liberty to exclude people they view as inferior.” This is not to say that all people who engage in bullying behavior have no guilt or shame, because many children, teens and adults have the benefit of maturing into more acceptance of others and improving their attitude of inclusion. But for those with no remorse, the focus should be on addressing those 3 issues.

Be aware that any child, adolescent, or adult can put on the role of a bully at any time. Just as they can find themselves in the role of the victim, or the bystander. If you have a child who needs help for bullying, whether they are the aggressor or the target, please give me call. I know I can provide help.

It’s easy to put people into simple categories of “bad” or “good,” but let’s work together to help children become the best people that they can become.  Call me today if you’d like more help for your child, who is either the victim, the bully, or both.  I’d love to help you!

Faith Gallup, LCSW



*From “Bullied,” by Carrie Goldman, Harper One Publishing, New York, NY, 2012